Nearly always, by the time a child is sexually abused, the perpetrator has set the scene by grooming the child.
The first part of the process is done before they meet the child.
They will place themselves in a position of power, control and contact with their victims where they are usually beyond reproach. The majority of paedophiles come from only four professions. Of course such a position can be found in any family. During the grooming process, they will have made their contact with the child look normal and healthy.
The child is trapped by simple little tricks which build on each other, getting bigger and bigger. The child finds it difficult to break out because of the penalties attached to being part of the earlier tricks.
The abuser will usually also tell the child that nobody would believe them and if they said anything, they would be taken away from their parents.
The child is frightened and now believes it is their fault.
This is very important because if it is somebody else's fault, they can tell but if they now make it their fault, it is their business and there is the excuse not to tell.
However, some children (a very small number) do tell; and what happens? "Don't be so silly, so-and-so wouldn't do that, would they?" Or, if the perpetrator is a family member, the parent may well have their own experiences at the hands of this paedophile.
If this is so, the parent is still groomed and will not do or say anything about the matter. If it is a family member, the spouse probably knows but is also frightened of them and disavows all indicators, preferring not to think about it.
Often, if the spouse discovers the act in progress, they physically attack and punish the child for leading the paedophile astray.
Some excuse for injuries is then dreamed up. What chance does the child have?
The child has been betrayed by the paedophile and now has been betrayed by his or her own parents. Where else is there for them to turn to? Nowhere proper.
Their life goes on and they continue to give off subtle signs of grooming which those few trained in the subject or every other paedophile the child comes into contact with will recognise.
There are others who will recognise that the child is easy prey; other children at school. The child will be bullied and made to do things they shouldn't. Of course, they endure this without telling their parents. What's the point? They know their parents don't act in their defence.
Growing up, the victim will, by programming, expect the same treatment from their spouse and without knowing why will pick an unpleasant candidate who will abuse them in other ways throughout their marriage. There will be other problems; neuroses.
A neurosis is a piece of abnormal behaviour. These are given by the subconscious as payment for looking after unresolved emotions and can include: low self esteem; depression; paruresis; anger issues among others. The victim will be deeply personal but will probably be an expert performer, giving off the appearance of a happy person and will have an uncanny knack of knowing just what to do in any situation to please anybody they are with.
Some degree of a breakdown is likely during middle age, triggered by a seemingly innocent event.
All of that is quite a sentence for a parent to pass on a child who has already had something done to them for which the perpetrator should be in jail - just because the parent felt it would be uncomfortable to deal with what they were just told.
The parent thought that it would all be forgotten by the time the child grew up.
It doesn't get forgotten; it builds and builds and it will come out. If you are a parent and your child tells you of abuse of any kind, do something about it because nobody else will except the abuser.
No comments:
Post a Comment